Musings of a Homesick Pinay

When Homesickness Hits Me

2008-10-08T01:43:00.000-07:00

I am feeling homesick again after talking online to my brother and his wife just few minutes ago. Well, I can’t help it no matter how much I tried to hide it. Hopefully it’s going to get better soon the longer I stayed here and the more I get used to my new environment and the people.

It is a relief to be reconnected to old ties back home. I love my family dearly and I miss them so much. I miss the time I speak in Bisaya during conversations without worrying if my grammar and pronunciation is correct. Sometimes it feels so strange to speak the language you are not used to and there are times that my accent betrays me. However, people in America are more forgiving about this part which puts me at ease.

When I had the chance to talk to my family and friends in Cebu, whether thru the phone or chat service, I instantly forgot that I am in America. Speaking my mother tongue doesn’t limit me in expressing my thoughts and ideas. They just came out without me putting too much effort in constructing the words and sentences. As soon as the first words are spoken, it takes a while to realize that I am speaking the familiar words and the heavy accent. Then comes the giggles, wide grins and laughter. Amazing but interesting!

A big part of me is still yearning the old and familiar and they can only be found in my home country. Memories of growing up, schooling, family events, interaction with people, places I’ve been, etc. came playing in my mind like a movie in a big TV screen which I love recollecting. How exciting it is to see those scenes a little bit different and more meaningful that the moment it happened! It’s true that memories (whatever the nature) are preserved and they let us see things that passed our notice in the days past. They have lessons for us to learn and treasure.

Like any other day when nostalgia swept me like the restless waves, I can do nothing more than pray and be thankful that God has let me experience the feeling of missing something that I have always been a part of. When it’s hard to be in touch right away with people I miss, I bow down my head in prayer and ask God to keep everyone I love and care about in the shadow of His protection and pray that all their needs are meet. That’s the best I can do in a particular moment such as right now and I am happy that there is always something I can look forward to. This gives me the inspiration to make each day better and a little bit happier…

Weekend Trip to an Asian Store

2008-10-07T01:51:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday after visiting my in-laws’s place with my husband, we dropped by at an Asian store a few blocks away from there and spent about half an hour grocery shopping. I can’t recall the name of the store but I can remember it having an assortment of Chinese, Filipino, Indian, and Mexican goodies displayed (I’ll post later the exact name and address as soon as I found out). I was pretty excited since I ran out of ingredients for cooking Filipino foods and it was perfect time to get them. Few months ago, we shopped in bulk for items in another Filipino store close to my sister-in-law’s place (still I don’t recall the name; I’ll post later as soon as I found out) such as seasonings, canned goods, fish, and mainly pancit canton and bihon noodles. I am a pancit lover and I made sure I have plenty of ingredients in stock. However, in that previous store I did not find everything I wanted especially fruits and vegetables.

After parking a few paces away from the entrance of the store, my husband teased me because he could tell how excited I was to get inside and start shopping. He was true and I wasn’t shy to admit it (lol)! While inside the store I was delighted to see a big squash (kalabasa) after a long time (about half a year ago when I was still in Philippines) and first time since I came to the US. Boy, it was a sight to behold! I had a hard time picking which one to take because those on display were pretty huge and I wasn’t sure if my husband will like them. Anyway, I got the smallest among them (about 6 pounds in weight) and put it in the cart. I crave for other Philippine veggies I haven’t seen and tasted for months so I grabbed what I can find such as okra, sikwa and ampalaya. My husband asked questions about those items and I explained to him their use and how they are cooked but when he asked me what their English names were, I did not bother to recall coz I was too excited and I truly did not know(lol)! He shook his head in laughter and continued shopping with me instead. As we walked around, we bought some fresh fish like bangus, tilapia, and some ocean fish. I was a bit skeptical about buying dried fish because of the smell and the disturbance it may cause to our neighborhood when I cook them, but finally I bought a pack of dried dilis which I plan to cook with sautéed munggo beans to mask the smell. Among other grocery items we got were biscuits, bread, cookies, noodles, and some spices. We had a great time shopping on that day and it was very rewarding. Before going home we bought some Chinese foods (which look and taste to me more like Filipino foods)—pork fried rice, pork sweet sour and sautéed string beans with chicken which were very tasty. We bought them inside the store itself in a section where they sell hot foods. The shopping was worth it and I love the experience of walking into a place that reminds me of how Pinay I am (wink!)

Pinay Ako

2008-10-02T17:38:00.000-07:00

Finally, I am here and able to start this blog. I am pretty excited about the idea especially that I have plenty of things to post in here reflecting my Filipino heritage. I’ve been away from my little hometown and country for roughly six months now and the nostalgia has swept me almost everyday. I missed the culture, the people, the TV shows I used to watch, the places I used to go, and the foods most especially (yum!yum!).

Deciding to leave Philippines to get married to a US citizen has been a difficult decision for me. I have never been separated from my family for a long time and the distance has been hard to bear. I got used to having my parents and siblings with me all the time. My circle of close friends are back home whom I missed so much. Since I got used to Filipino-style cooking, there are moments my mouth watered just remembering those delicious home-made foods that Mama cooked for the family. These are just some of my struggles which I consider major ones.

I hope that thru this blog I can able to express myself in a true Filipina way. Even if I am living in the United States currently, I am still 100% Filipino at heart. I miss my home and every part of it. I long to experience the mundane life of a Bisaya again. It will be few years from now before I’ll have the chance to visit my country again. Maybe in two, three or four years time. That’s a long wait I know. But I am happy that in a way I’ve found a channel to somehow lessen my homesickness—by keeping this blog and writing anything close to my heart that reflect the culture where I came from. If one of you happened to visit my page, I hope you enjoyed reading. I celebrate my being Pinay and I am proud of it. Mabuhay!